*sigh* mixed emotions now...

It's 4:15am and I'm up early cos my dad has just left, to go back home to Samoa where he will continue to live in the village and run the shop, while mum stays in town with my lil sister as she has been since the beginning of this year.

The 'plan' before he was caught farking around with a 26yr old WHORE (yes you read that right, dad is 66 this year, I am 34 and the ho' bag he was bonking from the village was 26 - that's sick enough even if dad wasn't a married man!!), so anyway the 'plan' was that dad was going to work the shop anyway, cos it's great money (well it was/can be really good money until the cream was being syphoned off to support this whore with an apartment in town ($800) a month, this bitch went to Australia for a holiday last Christmas - you tell me how a bitch with 3 kids so far to 3 different men, living in a village in Samoa (ok - while she was studying in Apia, she was being put up in the apartment my dad was paying for) but you tell me how she could afford that trip - then it's confirmed that just before Christmas, my dad transferd $700 WST to her in Australia!! Un'farking'believable!! Can you imagine the exchange rate for a start?? But that $700 was sent around the same time my mum asked us for some money to help them out with the house they were building in town for her to stay in (and my mum NEVER asks us for money!!) so basically, the shop hasn't been doing very well for about a year now...basically since mum's been blind really, so that's the past 3 years, since mum's been blind, dad has been more of an 'asshole' and taken his cheating to another level - he has always cheated on my mother - I know that for a fact, mum knows too but has taken him back each time cos she feels sorry for him...and she's of the 'old school' thinking that it's a 'man's world' but she says now she never ever imagined that he's be this bad and almost ruin them (and us) financially!!

Anyway, I have had a word with my dad, didn't really discuss his cheating...but I did lay down the law with him, that if he is to continue cheating on my mum then so be it, but I am NEVER ever to hear another lady/woman from the village mentioned/linked to him. Reason being that my mum is blind, prior to her being blond, she was a hard working woman with a very generous heart - she was very house proud and very generous within the village/church (remember this is Samoa we are talking about - pride/face value is everything lol, her generosity caused many other women/people in the village to be jealous of her...so when she became blind, I know for a fact that a lot of people snickered behind my mum's back...and with my dad fucking a little whore from the village, (it's been going on with this ugly bitch for the past 3 years at least (so since mum was blind) it's just giving these other people cause to have a right good laugh at my mum, makes her look absolutely stupid!! And that's what hurts me a lot too! Plus the financial side of things...who the hell is going to support them both if he totally runs the shop into the ground supporting this bitch?

My father and I have a strange relationship...I was always daddy's girl. My mum always favoured my elder brother while we were growing up. I was a right little bitch to my mum, gave her a hard time - but she was a hard woman, she did smack us, quite hard, my dad never laid a finger on us, never even raised his voice. My dad WAS the perfect father. I can't fault anything he ever did as a father. It wasn't till I gave birth to my first child, that as soon as she was born, I looked at my mum and the first thing I said to her was "I'm so sorry mum" and burst into tears. I was sorry for ever 'thinking' she was the bad parent, that she was a bitch to me...she made me who I am today, and I love who I am lol. I love that I am compared to her, that I speak my mind, stand up for myself, am generous to others, the best compliment anyone can give me is that I am 'just like my mother'.

So since growing up and having kids, I've gotten to know another side of my dad.

If you met him, he's the loveliest, quiet SHY person you'd ever known. But behind that is a selfish, self centred man. He's alcoholic. Bang on 5pm everyday it's happy hour. Then his true colours come out. His racist opinions of Samoa/Samoans (he lives in Samoa FGS!!) On the occasions I have been there (which is many) I have had it out with him, but my foot down and told him if he doesn't like it, piss off back to NZ...no one is making him live there. I've realised that there are MANY non-Samoan people living in Samoa, and they all seem to love living there, they blend in well with the locals, they are happy going, easy going...adapt well to the Samoan way of living...they have their opinions of course, which is fair enough, but I just notice a real difference with my dad...so hard to explain...but he is living in the WRONG country with his way of thinking!

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I don't put up with his shit opinions and I give it right back to him, cos I'm not gonna stand there while he throws all this negative shit at me...I'm half Samoan. He offends me with what he says. My kids are Samoan. My partner is Samoan. My mother is Samoan. I'm not going to stand back while he goes on and on about crap. Like I said, if you don't like it LEAVE. But where would he go??

I'm a believer in KARMAR. My dad doesn't, nor does he believe in God. lol. Everything my dad touches turns to shit. For example...

While we were growing up, we had a REALLY good life. Family holidays, swimming pools, spa pools...flash homes...he had upto 3 rentals homes plus our home all in Auckland central, would each be easily worth a million bucks EACH today...but one by one he sold them (or did he loose them...I don't know) My mum left to live in Samoa when I was 15. I stayed back in NZ with my dad. By then he lost all the houses he owned except for the one we lived in, but before I was 18 he lost that one too and not long after planned to move to Samoa.


When my dad met my mum, he owned an acre of land at Beachlands which he sold to buy their first home, it's worth millions today.

After I was born, we all moved to Samoa when I was 2, my parents owned a lot of land in the hills of Apia...HE sold that before we moved back to NZ when I was 6 - today you can't get a 1.4 acre for less than $250K WST (or $180K NZD).

Today all they have to their names is what my MUM invested in. Back in the 1980's she bought 3 x 1/4 acres in Apia, with her own money, my dad tried to put her off...but she worked hard, mum always had a couple of jobs, cleaning, or care giver in a rest home...she paid these lands off herself...she went back to Samoa (little did I know at the time, she was actually leaving my dad) I just thought she was sick of NZ) She started the shop in her village, which was well run and before my dad turned up a couple of years later, she had won a 'business woman of the year' in Samoa award. She slowly re built the family home where the shop is, without the help of the extended family. Mum's house was the flashest house in the village...visitors to the village used to always mistake her house for the Reverends house...cos usually, the reverends house is the best looking house, paid for by the village...anyway...she managed to do all that, karma was good to her!! She was kind, always went beyond helping people. Especially so when she was working in NZ. She managed to help out so many people...especially extended family member from Samoa.

They also own some other land in another part of Apia. So, to this day, the material things they have are all due to my mum. My dad has nothing pretty much. 10 years ago, mum went to her lawyers and made her will. Most of the land is coming to me, and a pc to my eldest brother. my dad was hugely UPSET. He believed it should all be left to him. He was upset and angry and vowed to never spend another cent on the homes to built on the land in Apia. My mum tried to reason with him that there was no difference to leaving the land to the kids or him. Which is true, there is no way, even after what my dad has done, that I could ever kick him out...or make him leave...anyway, over the years since, he's learned to accept mum's decision and has helped her build the small home they have there now. But seriously though, if my mum didn't leave the land to us, and did leave it to my dad, if she passed away before him I 100% believe he was sell the land asap and move back to NZ...all her hard work down the toilet like everything else he touches.

One last example, he'd always had a secondhand van...3 years ago we got sick and tired of sending car parts to fix it. So we decided it was time for a new car. My younger brother got out a loan, my dad insisted on a brand spanking new Toyota delivery van. he didn't want seats or windows in the back cos he said he didn't want to encourage any 'bastards to jump in for a lift to Apia' *charming*. So anyway, this new van cost $60K WST. Less than a year after we bought this van, the Samoan govt decided to change the side of the road they drive on to the left side - which means we could have bought him a great car for less than a 1/4 of what we paid for that Van.

But since mum has been blind, we have noticed that they seem to be struggling more financially...dad always put it down to 'the bad economy' and we just 'believed him' but now we know...and I realise that doesn't matter how bad the economy is around the world, Samoans all over the world never fail to send money back to family in Samoa...so dad's shop should really be effected as bad as what he made us believe. Most of the shop profit was going on his different bitches he was supporting. Living the life of riley while my mum and lil sister struggled...

So anyway...dad has gone back. Hubby is at work still, won't be back till about 8am. Dad's flight is at 6am, so I asked my lil brother to take dad to the airport on his own, otherwise it means waking up ALL the kids and taking all of them at 4am...they'd be buggered for school the next day and I just can't be bothered with that. So he's gone. I'm sad that he's gone to be honest. It helps to know that I am going over in 3 weeks.

He didn't have much stuff to take back, so I bought a lot of snack foods and bits and pieces for my mum and lil sister, and also a box for my cousin's kids, who live in another house my mum built on the land where mum is living now in Apia. My cousin Dinah, bless her, she's the loveliest person. She has a great husband. They both work hard. They have 3 little boys. A daughter who passed away. Her parents (my mum's brother and his wife) live with them, looking after the kids while they work. They both have goods jobs, but of course as with ALL Samoan jobs, the pay is meagre!! Minimum wage is $2 an hour - actually it might be $1.60 an hour - not sure...but the cost of living is disgustingly high!!

Dinah also takes care of my mum. She loves my mum. My mum has been good to her. Dinah and her lil family have been living on mum's land for the past 4-5 years, taking care of the land and home, even though it is not much by our standards. She's been taking care of mum while mum's been staying there too, making sure my mum has good meals...and when my mum is sick Dinah is the daughter my mum needs...when I can't be there :( Dinah doesn't pay rent. Mum has never asked of anything from them, my dad however thinks they should be paying something...he doesn't realise that even though we are providing them with a home in town, they are also providing us with someone to look after the property. Without them there someone would have stolen the glass from the windows...and the weatherboards from the house lol...

Anyway, so dad didn't have much to take, half of what I bought is going to Dinah, nothing much, just a few packets of biscuits, chips, some nutella, cocopops cereal, packets of coffee, some toys for her boys, a bag of nappies and some wet wipes, shampoo & conditioner...she WILL appreciate everything very much, I just know it, anyway, so while I'm trying to pack all this stuff, dad is going on and on about the baggage allowance. I told him down worry I'll weigh everything, then he goes "I don't know why your bothering to buy all this stuff for Dinah - I wouldn't bother...waste of time" I said "Look...it's none of your business who I buy things for."
he goes "Oh well...if it makes you feel good" I said "Excuse me? Yeah, it does make me feel good thanks, just like when you spent all that money on what YOU spent it on to make YOU feel good...that's exactly what I'll do..." Well that soon shut him up.

He's a real tight arse unless it's something for him. He's sooo selfish.

But he's my dad and I do love him. And so on that note...he's gone back this morning. I am a little sad. Will miss him. Cos he was the best dad while I was growing up...and he's not a half bad dad to me now.

As for me and hubby...well, as quick as I was to flip and react the way I did...I'm half as quick to getting over it. I know I know...but it's all good...maybe I reacted as much as I did cos it's all this crap with dad...the financial crap with our home loan...maybe all that played a part? I dunno...but hubby is apologetic...and we're ok...for now lol.

So what else. Yesterday, Monday, I didn't go to class. I stayed home and I shouted dad, both my brothers and hubby to Valentines. Bloody good value, $14.90 for lunch...even I ate that much worth lol. Actually loved the cold kumara salad - was sooo tasty! Had that with a slice or two of hot ham MMmmm.

Today, I do plan on going to class...the kids will all go to school. We have rugby league training later this evening.

Oh, one of the tops I made and listed on TM has a bid on it!! WooP WooP!

5pm - and I've had an awesome day!! All I did in class was sew two cardy's and two vest top thingies lol. Really happy with them. I left class early to go to my fav fabric store - bought some gorgeous buttons, and dome huge fastners to finish off my cardies. Will do that tonight and list them...I NEED some spenindg money for my upcoming holiday lol.

I spent the day completely SMOKE FREE *YAY for me :)* No urge to smoke at all...helps that the other girls don't smoke - just the tutor, but i stayed well away from the 'smoking' area and didn't even have a break to be honest, just nibbled away at my lunch all day in class lol.

Hubby has taken the boys to training, then he'll go straight to work once he drops them back home just after 6pm.